I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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