Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
