John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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