my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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