Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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