I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
