i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
