i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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