You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
