I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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