Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
