I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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