You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
