Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
