Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
