doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
