I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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