somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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