Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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