It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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