this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
