his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
