Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
