Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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