y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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