If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
