My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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