Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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