There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I need water and some morals
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
