You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i believe in u and ur pee
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
