Four minutes until I can fart!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
