i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's just like the Real World with babies
either way he was missing a nipple.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
