Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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