I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
