im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
