so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
