I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
