As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
