Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
