Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
