even my farts smell like vagina
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
