Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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