u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
