I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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