mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
