Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
