I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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