Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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