Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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