Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
