I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
wow bdsm is so cute
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
