you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
