Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
