Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
