no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
