Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
