She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
