his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
